Turtleboy sports (yes it’s a thing, fuck off) reports
We get some sick shit sent in to our mailbox on the regular. It’s just part of the job. However, what I saw last night made me want to puke.
Meet Jonasia Simpson, who as far as we can tell, is about fifteen years-old. She’s from Dorchester! We don’t usually write about hoodsies but this one is special. Remember her face because you’ll hate her as long as you’re alive.
Last night Jonasia thought it was funny to microwave her baby pet turtle.
Literally.
Obviously we have a special place in our hearts for our Turtle spirit animals but this would have been bad if it was any living creature.
I’m sorry for having to show you this picture – but the idea that this baby ratchet thought it was okay infuriates me to the point of wanting to punch a wall. What the hell is WRONG with these people?
Only an animal would think this was okay. Was she bored? Go play with your snapchat filters like a good brainless teenager.
Maybe it was a hard lesson and Jonasia had to learn it in order to be remorseful?
Yeah, it’s looking more like we have the makings of a hood rat serial killer.
Needless to say, this spread like wildfire, because this fucking skank microwaved a Goddamn baby turtle.
Because when word spread about what she had done she actually doubled-down.
I’m fucking speechless.
The mother, who is clearly a ghetto queen cliche, even posted that they had added the Turtle to the family on April 3rd. Cool. A baby animal lasted less than two months in their house before her fucked up kid nuked it. That’s totally normal.
Can we blame psychopathic Jonasia? Or should we be looking at Shanitha Blocker – the woman who bore a child, had nine months to think of a name, and came up with “Jonasia”?
I’m going to guess that this behavior is normal with these trash bags.
Oh good. Your newly teenage daughter buying momma a special bottle of Henny. That says a lot.
Wow, that was a long sentence. She will “KILL A MOTHER FUCKER” for her kids. Or a turtle too apparently. I can’t wait to hear Uncle TB read that on LIVE Friday.